The Christian Bedroom - Part 2

The grass might look greener on the other side, but grass only remains green if it gets enough water. If you don't water it regularly, it will die. The same is true for your marriage. Does it feel like your marriage is dying? Emotionally, is your relationship withering away? Has your sex life dried up? You've got to water it. 

Here are three ways that husbands and wives can be intentional about watering their own relationships. 

1. Husbands, affirm her… Wives, embrace his words.

Proverbs 16:24 says, "Gracious words are like a honeycomb; sweetness to the soul and health to the body." So, Husbands, love your wife with your words. Affirm her as a mom. Affirm her career, her appearance, her character. Let her know you see all the amazing things she does. Talk to her, affirm her, and encourage her.  

Wives, when he affirms you, embrace his words. When your husband says something nice, your natural reaction might be to ask, "What do you want?" or to say, "Oh, that's not true." But when he compliments you, say, "Thank you." It is a sign of maturity to be able to receive a compliment. It's a sign of assurance in your own identity in Christ. 

2. Husbands, work on your approach… Wives, make any approach.

Husbands, you have to work on your approach. The head nods and the eyebrow raise; that's not enough. It's not enough to walk out of the shower naked and go, "Here I am." In the book "The Five Love Languages," author Gary Chapman explains how each of us has a certain way we give and receive love, AKA our love language. One easy way to improve your approach is to speak your wife's love language. It might be words of affirmation, gifts, quality time… find out which one it is. Then approach her that way and make this a consistent thing that you do and work on.

Wives, make any approach. Husbands mostly appreciate any approach. Taking the initiative and making the first move can make all the difference for your husband. For some couples, this would change everything. 

3. Husbands, touch her heart… Wives, touch him anywhere.

Husbands, how do you touch her heart? Well, so many men just aren't kind to their wives. They're harsh. They're impatient. They're emotionally distant. To touch her heart, you have to engage with her. Have a conversation with her about her day. Listen to her share what's happening at work or the drama with her friends and family. Show her you're concerned and that you care by listening to her.

Wives, touch him anywhere. It can be as simple as holding his hand. Or rub his shoulder, put your hand on his back or knee. Men usually don't feel loved when there is no physical touch in the relationship. That's a hard place for a guy to be.

In a marriage, we often think things would be better if she would change this or if he would just change that. What if, instead, you asked yourself, what changes do I need to make? As you submit to Jesus and begin to humble yourself, you will recognize places where you need to grow, and God will start to change your heart. If you think the distance between where your marriage is today and where you want it to be is too great, you've got to remember that with God, all things are possible.